No gender roles, only gender purposes.

Terry Crews and Paul Theroux are both touching on similar aspects of one subject: What does it really mean to be a man? They both elaborate on the ways that they feel “manliness” has been mislabeled and twisted throughout the years, stating that being a man now means to aspire to be “stupid and unfeeling”. By stating this, Theroux is presenting to his audience that he feels men no longer have to feel confined by their preconceived gender norm of being tough and stoic, and should now be able to have the freedom of expressing their emotions and troubles. Crews addresses this topic as well when he uses the example of his son- he states that he is raising his son to be unashamed of feeling fear, and that feeling this doesn’t make him any less of a man. He feels all men should not only teach their son this, but learn from him and not feel like any less of a man for having natural human emotions.

Both Crews and Theroux are responding to the uprising debate of feminism, and the fear it has placed on some men. Some men fear feminism because they have the common misconception that “feminism” means all woman are to be held as “better than men”, which is not the case, and both Crews and Theroux touch on this. Crews states the truth to all skeptical men, and tells them that feminism is simply all genders being held equal. Due to this, Theroux feels that men should not be afraid of feminists, but instead, fight alongside them, for men too “have justified grievance” due to being held to such high standards of “manliness”. Because feminists fight not only for women gender norms to be lifted, but men’s as well, these unrealistic standards for men would end and men could be unashamed to admit that they have fear and emotion, just like any normal human being.

The “They say” that both men are conversing with is society stating that men should be masculine and stoic, and women should be emotional and girly. Or that men should bring home the bread, own their wives, and be the one “with the pants”, while the woman takes care of the kids, cleans the home, and does as her husband says. Both Crews and Theroux believe these “they says” to be ridiculous, for “there are no gender roles, only gender purposes”.  

Caitlin Moran and Societies View on Parenting

In this, what VanityFair.com calls “The British Version of Tina Fey’s Bossypants” Caitlin Moran talks about pregnancy. “How to be a Woman” talks about why society thinks that women have to be pregnant. This piece talks about why society gives off the impression that women lose value if they do not have children. Lives of men and women before and after pregnancy are also discussed throughout. Ms. Moran talks about a specific time when being interviewed for her work with Naked City. At a young age of eighteen years old, an age that many would agree is too young to have children, Ms. Moran was asked if she wanted to have kids. However, she saw it differently. This question was perceived to have subtle undertones hinting at an alternative meaning. According to Caitlin the way this question is often asked actually means, “When are you going to f*ck it all up by having kids?” Women who do not give birth are sometimes seen by society as less intelligent. “Mothers can graduate with honors from Harvard, while the best the childless can manage is a high school equivalency diploma.” If you are a women you are suppose to have children; that’s the way it has always been, and that’s the way it should be. If you do not have children then what are you doing? These are questions that society has not always subtly asked women. Old age is seen as the barren wasteland of infertility among women. However, old age is a sign of wisdom, temperance, and fortitude among men. Men can have children and still have their career completely intact. Men without children are never seen in this skewed vision as women are. Catilin Moran also talks about life with a child. If a woman does succumb to societies pressure to have a child or simply wants to have a baby, everything seems to be put on hold. “Having children is hard work-a minimum 18 year commitment at full throttle; followed by another 40 years of part-time.” Ms. Moran talks about these issues, and backs them with personal experience. Motherhood is different for everyone. People handle issues differently, and in turn experience different outcomes. Motherhood is still very uniquely similar to each situation, and I personally wish not to go through this rigorous “sink or swim” style boot camp that is parenting.

Why You Shouldn't Have Children

In author Caitlin Moran’s article, “Why You Shouldn’t Have Children”, she goes into detail about her opinion on how society views women. She feels that everyone is constantly asking women the same question, “When are you going to have kids?” It concerns her that this seems to always be the question women are asked. People seem to think that women need to be planning their baby-making ahead as if that is all that their focus should be on. That women should hurry up and get married and start making babies before their bodies get too old and they are unable to make a baby. She herself was even asked in an interview when she was eighteen, “Do you want to have kids?” As an interviewer herself she never even thought to ask that question, let alone care for that matter. But more and more often, her editor asked her to find out the answer to this question that everyone seems to be dying to know the answer to. She noticed that no one ever seemed to care what men’s answer to this question was. As if this didn’t apply to men at all. She feels that women shouldn’t have to drop their whole lives to make a baby just because everyone thinks it what their duty is as a woman and so they should hurry up and get on it. She thinks the darker hidden question women are really asked is, “When are you going to fuck up your life by having kids?” She then goes into detail about how hard motherhood really is, how mothers often reevaluate their decision to become a mother, and how women shouldn’t feel the need to rush into motherhood because they think they have a time clock. Women shouldn’t panic and have to drop their whole lives, as far as work and free time, to become a mother when they are not ready. Or so Moran thinks. I personally feel that she had good evidence to support her claims. Woman shouldn’t feel the need to rush into having a baby because of what everyone else thinks. That is a tough duty, you should take on that duty in your life at a time that works perfect for you physically, mentally, and emotionally. 

Why You Shouldn't Have Children

            In chapter thirteen of Caitlin Moran’s memoir “How To Be a Woman”, she discusses the constant pressure society puts on women to reproduce. One of the most common questions all women get asked is  “When are you going to have kids?”, and as a reporter, who has interviewed several celebrities, she knows first hand how often this question is being asked. I believe Moran’s main argument is that women shouldn’t have children just because they are feeling the pressure from everyone around them and their ticking biological clocks. With women reminded of their ticking clocks constantly Moran believes that some women have babies “just in case” and later ponder if they would even “have kids at all”. Moran states that before she had children she used to recycle, donate to charity, and call her mother often, and after she had children all of that went to a halt. To me she doesn’t necessarily regret having her children, but wonders if knowing how much of an impact it would make on her everyday life if she would have still had them.

Moran wants women to know that it is not ‘vital’ for them to reproduce. She wants women to know that it is their choice, and if they happen to decide not to have children it is not ‘selfish’ of them as society would say.  Moran mentions that society often views women who are ‘childless’ as ‘rangy lone wolves’ and that they are ‘as dangerous as teenage boys’, and I would have to say that before reading this I didn’t understand why some women chose not to have children. Moran definitely backed up her claims, and has changed my outlook on women who chose not to have children.

Baby Makers

            In the article “How to be a Woman” by Caitlin Moran, she goes in to a very detailed description about society’s view and stereotype on woman. The first question interviewers and reporters always seem to ask is “When are you going to have children?” whether its in the beginning or the end that questions always pops up. But she says the truth is that they aren’t at all actually curious in whether you’re going to have children or not but in fact when are you going to “fuck it all up” by having kids? When are you going to throw away your life and ambition just because you have a child? However males never get asked this question, but why is that? She suggest that men can pretty much carry on and continue their life as normal even though they had a baby but woman its all over for them apparently. With out having children you serve no purpose and people are just going to judge you for not having a child because “women love babies”. Moran even gives examples of her own pregnancy, she said “I would have happily shot the worlds last panda in the face if it made the baby cry for 60 seconds less” that’s a big statement! Maybe having babies isn’t its all cracked up to be? She lived off of ready meals, stopped recycling, kitchen was always a mess, and she even said if her own mother had died she probably wouldn’t have even noticed.  Moran does adequately support her claims with evidence. She uses a lot of examples from her own personal life such as when she has been interviewed or her friends. She goes on to explain why the lessons taught from motherhood can be taught elsewhere and how having children isn’t really all that necessary because they’re are “plenty of babies being born “and not everyone needs to be having children because they feel pressured. Even though Moran hasn’t said anything actually positive about having children I don’t think that that was her point at all. I believe she’s saying that there is more to woman than just having children. Having babies isn’t all woman are good for!

Why You Shouldn't Have Kids

Moran discusses society's need for woman to reproduce and that once you reach a certain age, children should be the only thing a woman is concerned about. The way she sees it is that society has a sick obsession with women settling down and starting a family without realizing that some women do not want to start families and have children. She says that some women feel their purpose on earth is to work or go to school or be a celebrity and do not want to give any of this up. The view society has on these types of women is that they are doing their life the wrong way or are just plain weird. Moran says that what everyone is really saying when they ask "When are you going to have kids?", is "When are you going to ruin everything you have worked for and start a family?". Another topic on this that she discusses is that people consider these types of women to be selfish, which is in fact wrong. These so called "selfish" women could be the ones to end world hunger or find the cure to cancer which does not sound selfish to me at all. Moran says that if anyone had any common sense at all, we should be telling these women to stop having children because "First World babies are eating this planet like termites."

I think that Moran adequately proves her point with her evidence because women in this day and age should not be expected to have children whatsoever. Like Moran says, there are plenty of women who will continue to repopulate the earth with their children and there should not be a need to force women who do not want kids, think they need to submit themselves to this at minimum 18 year commitment. Women have the right to decide what they want to do with their lives and some are just not open to becoming maternal like society would like them to. Some women have high powering jobs that they do not want to give up because they believe they are doing something good already with themselves and Moran does an excellent job in explaining why.

Dinner for 2

On a Thursday night around 6:30 pm, Archbold and Chaudhry meet up at Root Cellar Café.  They make small talk to get to know each other a little bit; it is formal as well as pleasant.  They are seated at a table near the window and they continue with their get to know each other conversation.  They then over hear on the next table over, a sleazy man make a crude comment about a waitress who is wearing a very low cut top.  They both roll their eyes in disgust.  The flashy and now offended waitress walks up to their table to take their orders.  Chaudhry orders the spring salad with fresh strawberries and a glass of mineral water.  Archbold goes for the rib eye steak with side of asparagus and a glass of red wine.  Once she the waitress leaves, Archbold explains how the waitress was asking for it.  If she didn’t want a man to objectify her, she should have covered up to project innocence.  Chuadry agrees with him and says that some men are just animals and thankfully more men are becoming less like that.  They continue on this topic about how the media has produced terrible celebrates that each gender looks up to. 

Blind Date

Chaudhry enters the Italian restaurant known as Vespaio Ristorante, looking for her blind date. She spots Archbold. After ordering their dinners, a nice pizza for Archbold and a delicious pasta for Chaudhry, they begin to discuss careers. Archbold talks about the “Death of Pretty”, his post which talks about how women are degrading themselves so that they can be seen as “hot”. He blames this on the media, and, after, of course, a few glasses of wine, he brings up how he believes that the women’s liberation movement has had a clear role in this. He goes on to say that for every woman with “projected innocence”, there will be hundreds of women who do not have what can only be put down to sexual purity. She hesitantly agrees with some points, blatantly taking offense to his view that only virginity keeps a man interested in a girl. Once the food arrives, they begin to eat, making casual remarks about the restaurant, the food, and their mutual friend. After they finish with their food, they sit and wait for their dessert. They get to talking about Chaudhry and her work “Men Growing Up to be Boys”. She explains that men have degraded since the fifties, thanks to the media, but not that they were that good in the first place. She then goes on to say that men seem to be pushing back responsibilities, but most embrace these same responsibilities when they get married. After sitting through dessert, both quietly eating their gelato, musing about the other’s work, deciding that a second date is not an option. After the meal, and the discussion which ended in both agree that the women’s liberation movement and the media is responsible for the degradation of society, and also both agreeing, not aloud, to not see each other again.

Dinner time

    It was a breezy sunny day, Pat Archbold had just woken up and was ready for the day to begin. He started off his day by enjoying a nice cup of coffee while reading comments that were posted over his article, “The Death of Pretty”. As Archbold scrolls through the comments just skimming, he falls upon a link to similar articles. He runs across Lakshmi Chaudry’s article, “Men growing up to be boys”. He decided to truly read the article detail for detail since it caught his attention. Archbold found it so interesting he felt it was necessary to meet Chaudry so he sent her a brief message to meet for some coffee and maybe grab a quick bite to eat. They arrived at a sandwich place called Jason’s deli. Without any hesitation, Archbold jumps right into talking about Chaudry article and how he disagrees with certain aspects of her article but for the most part understands what she said. They talk about how much they believe social media being an important reason for how men and women are portrayed in society. They soon get into a bumpy situation when they both seem to blame the opposite sex as another key reason to why people are being stereotypical, but understand where one another is coming from. They see how the opposite sex could be at fault for holding a certain standing for men to be hardworking and women to be innocent. As they get ready to part off they both share their opinion of what an ideal woman and an ideal man should be and realize that it may not be too bad for men and women to share some roles in life.

Dinner for Two

Archbold and Chaudhry had a meeting to discuss their individual points of views on their opposing genders in the middle of summer. However between the beginning of the year and that set period of time they had both been hearing so much about the other. By constantly hearing about each other Archbold and Chaudhry made it a point to contact each other to have their meeting in March instead of in the summer. Once the meeting was finalized the two authors met up at local restaurant, ordered their meals and began to discuss their point of views. Chaudhry began to explain how she believes that masculinity within a man is not necessarily a good thing especially in today’s society.  Masculinity no longer has the power behind it anymore, because of women. Chaudhry explains that women have received so much notoriety as powerful individuals that they begin to take away the very little power men have as bread winners and protectors. For women it’s quite alright for them to have that authority and strength behind them, because even if it they don’t prosper in that aspect of their lives they have the sensitive motherly side of them to fall back on. On the other hand men to have that option, and if they were to go to a sensitive role they would be criticized within society in more ways than one.  Archbold comes back with his own point to say that he agrees with Chaudhry’s vague point on women. Archbold feels as if women are giving up such a vital part of what makes a women and women in today’s society. He thinks that the projected innocence that women wanted everyman to see is now something frowned upon. Women almost want to be some type of object that man drool over just for quick attention. Women have worked hard to be noticed all for the wrong reasons today. Archbold and Chaudhry see the common problem in both of their views, and its society. They see how society can ruin what used to be so valued and cherished.

Luch with Them

Chaudhry and Archbold are both writers and readers and they enjoy reading articles about today’s society. Well unexpectedly they both come across each other’s article and catch a similarity in views of the opposite sex. They schedule lunch together to discuss their work and share their opinions of each other’s work.  Both of these authors would be expected to dine in a sort of high class environment seeing as to how they would both project sort of a professional and classy image. They would have to eat at a decent steak house maybe Salt Grass. They would start off with some nice wine and begin their small talk of introductions and getting to know each other. After holding back the eager of asking each other about their work they finally begin to discuss about their writings. Just the simple things not to in depth yet. They order their nice T-bones and Rib eyes. During their meal they get very in depth with each other’s points and are enjoying their views on how both genders have changed. Then they come across points that make them kind of uncomfortable like the fact the guys are either gentlemen or dogs and the fact that a girl’s only value might be her virginity. They get into small arguments on their works but eventually resolve their issues by close explanation. They both come to the conclusion that even though their articles are some years apart the major influence on both genders is society and it has been and may continue to be in the future. When they finish their meal Archbold dismisses himself and says maybe the next time we meet I’ll go shopping and cook my special glazed Salmon for such a “pretty” women; they smile and part their ways till next time.

Archbold & Chaudhry Meet

It’s a quiet early Sunday morning, Archbold just poured himself a hot cup of coffee. He then decides to go outside with his laptop and sit on his patio over-looking the early morning sunrise. He pulls out his laptop from his laptop case and begins to check the feedback on his article, “The Death of Pretty”. He is always interested to see what his readers have to say about his articles. While overlooking his feedback, a link for similar articles popped up on his side page. Interested to see what others had written, Archbold curiously clicked on the link and selected the first article on the list. The first article he clicks on is, “Men Growing Up to be Boys” by Lakshmi Chaudhry. As Archbold begins to read the article he becomes overwhelmed with excitement on how similar he and the authors’ opinions were. Without even looking at any of the other articles posted, Archbold immediately looks up the author. To his surprise, a female pops up when he types in the authors’ name. He thought it was fascinating how spot on a female could be about the male genders role. He then decides to email Chaudhry and express his interest for her article. He tells her about his similar article and asks her if she would like to meet up for coffee later in the evening and exchange thoughts and opinions over the two articles. Chaudhry is honored by the email of appreciation and decides to look up Archbold’s article to see how legit this Archbold author really is. To her surprise, she was just as amazed by his article as he was by hers. She then agrees to meet up for coffee. The time for them to meet for coffee finally rolls around, after they had both been anxiously waiting. They both arrive at Starbucks, the most convenient meeting spot for both of them. They both order coffee and sit down and begin to get to know each other. They talk for hours as if they were old friends just catching up. Archbold expresses how much he agrees with her views on how the male figure should act and how media is corrupting the way men “should” act or be viewed. Chaudhry then expresses her respect for the “pretty” lifestyle, as well, and how she is completely against the “hot” lifestyle that women nowadays like to portray. She also expresses her belief for the media corrupting women into swaying towards the “hot” lifestyle. They both were so pleased with how the coffee meet up went and were so excited about how much they agreed on and decided to keep in touch and meet up for coffee again soon.

Brunch with Archbold and Chaudhry

Authors and writers often research and explore other authors and writers work, whether it be to see other writing styles, get inspiration, or just out of pure curiosity. Lakshmi Chaudhry was doing just that and came across an article, “The Death of Pretty” by Pat Archbold. She was very intrigued. She thought how could the opposite sex write about the other and be so spot on? It sparked a flame in her and knew wanted to some how meet up with Archbold and discuss their views over dinner. So Chaudhry writes Archbold and request to meet over coffee or brunch. Archbold agrees and they plan to meet up the next day at a local diner around 11ish. The next day Chaudhry arrives at the diner early and grabs a booth for two. She orders her self a hot coffee and as soon as she does Archbold walks in. They greet each other and introduce themselves and ranting on about how they enjoy each others work. They both take their seats and the waiter comes back and takes both of their orders. Chaudhry orders sunny side up eggs with hash browns and buttered wheat toast and Archbold orders French toast with bacon. Chaudhry brings up Archbolds work and tells him how fascinated she was with his article. She agrees on his opinions about womens projected innocence and how mens truly only prefer hotness over pretty and Archbold also agrees with Chaudhry’s work as well. He said however the title might be a tab bit miss leading at first he said he felt offended but once he started actually reading the article he understood what she meant by the alarming title. They both thought it was actually very quite ironic how they both have written articles about the opposite sex and how they both agreed on its content. They had a long pleasant conversation and brunch for about almost two hours and then decided to maybe meet again for brunch one day. They exchanged contact information. They enjoyed each others company and look forward to seeing each others work in the future. 

Savannah Jost